Lately I have been reflecting on my life and the way in which I live. I came to a troubling, yet true revelation. I hope that I will be able to express it with the same power as it came to me because it was profound. There are many ways to see the world; with hope, fear, worry, bliss, etc. I realized that for many years in my addiction I was looking at the world with regret; for the past, for my actions, for my relationships. I regretted everything. I also constantly fretted about the past. Consequently, I found more things in my life in the present that I was able to regret as they passed.
As I got clean off drugs, including alcohol, my life shifted in perspective. I slowly began to become hopeful, joyful for the future and even expectant about great things coming in my future. My life started to manifest with expectancy as the root driver for life and I was constantly driving forward toward some exciting, yet unknown or unseen goal. Life went by quickly and wonderfully. Beautiful and amazing things have happened in my life and have flown by as I have been expectantly waiting for the next. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the things I have in my life but living my life expectantly is similarly as incomplete as living in regret. I went from living in the past to living in the future.
This revelation hit me hard. What about gratitude for the present? In all honesty, the thought of just living in gratitude scares me. What if there is nothing to be expectant for? What if nothing else exciting comes along because of my change in perspective? What if my change in perspective to gratitude will give me, yet more, to be grateful for? And the shift is happening.
Today, I recognize that the Universe responds to the tendency of my thought and attitude. As I live in gratitude, there is more to be grateful for. Sleeplessness happens when I regret the past or worry about the future. I rest peacefully in the present with a grateful heart. I AM at Peace in the Present. I AM Grateful.